My best friend is about to become a mother for the first time. She is due with her son at the end of January and I cannot be more thrilled for her. Motherhood is a wonderful experience that has made me grow into the woman I am today, but it’s also challenging as hell. There are things that I have been faced with in the past almost two years I never thought I would deal with. This is for JuBee. The things I wish I had known before walking into “the scariest ‘hood you’ll ever go through.”
The first thing I want to tell you is it’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to be completely overwhelmed, it’s ok to feel frustrated, it ok to feel like you have no idea what you’re doing. All these emotions are normal for first time moms to feel. I just ask for your sanity, please don’t hide these feelings- you don’t have to have it all together. Let’s be honest, NONE of us have it all together. You will be in good company on the hot mess express. Just do yourself a favor and don’t pretend, be real- with yourself and with others around you. It will make your transition to mama bear status a little more smooth.
The second thing you need to know is you don’t have to do it all yourself. Ask for help, even if its just to have a cup of hot chocolate without interruption. Tell people what you need help with. You will not believe how much a few minutes to yourself will help maintain your sanity. Take all the naps you can, when he’s sleeping, girl, grab those z’s whenever you can. Breastfeeding will take a lot of hard work in the beginning and it will feel like your son is sucking the life right out of you. Well, he is- so rest when you can. It’ll keep your mind and your body healthy to make that precious mom milk.
Thirdly, go ahead and accept now that you won’t feel like yourself for awhile. You will be going through a transitional period after Mr. Man arrives. Along with the birth of your son, is the birth of the mother in you- I can guarantee you that this new JuBee will take some getting used to. This transition is hard to describe and it’s one of those things you don’t understand fully until you know- but I ask you- be gentle with yourself as you’re getting the feel of the new you. Be good to yourself and be patient- you will feel at home in your skin again, it just takes time.
You will go through the grossest things you’ll ever experience during motherhood. Childbirth in all forms is completely disgusting. Being a mother comes with baby throw up, explosive diapers, green snot boogies, projectile vomit, and SO MUCH drool. There will be days you walk around with snot dried on your pants, you’ll have milk stains on your shirts. You will fish little nuggets out of the tub at bath time. It’s all real- and it DOES happen. I will never forget the first time I changed Ava’s diaper outside of the hospital. I was mid diaper change when Miss Ozcan decided it was a good time to have the nastiest, squirty poop all over me and my bed. I was frozen in shock that something so foul could come from my tiny, precious daughter. I also yelled for Sev’s help because I have no idea how to get out of that situation alone. I lived days where I smell like Ava’s red Gatorade vomit. You will hold and comfort your son as he spews a fountain of nasty all over you, and you have to sit there and take it. Word to the wise, keep a stack of bath towels handy. It helps catch the throw up- it acts as a sort of tarp.
This will be the most wonderful time of your life, but it will also be the hardest. There’s magic in the mess of it all, but I just want you to be prepared for the mess. It’s not like in the Disney movies this cooing little babe that is quiet, calm, and self sufficient. There are no woodland creatures to help you change the diapers, make the breakfast, and all the other things mothers do on a daily basis. Just remember you have a family that loves you and wants to help, SO LET THEM! That was my number one mistake when I was a newbie. Soak up every moment of this time because it does go fast, faster than you’ll ever be able to imagine. Be real with yourself and know you don’t have to have all the answers, it’s on the job training with most of it. You’ll find your groove, you’ll find yourself, and most of all you find what love truly is. There is NOTHING in this world like a mother’s love. I am always here whenever you need me- and I promise there will be a steady supply of coffee and wine at your disposal. I love you and I’m so excited to be a part of your story.
Light and Love,